The Good Life

There’s a sermon that I’ve heard a couple of times at church over the last few years that has always stuck with me. I think about the message often. And two weeks ago, our pastor asked the question to us again “Who are you?” He said, most of the time people answer with what they do for a living. I know I do! I’m a teacher. That’s what I do. But it got me thinking…Who am I, really? Who am I outside of being a teacher and a mom? It’s what I identify mostly with. It’s what takes up most of my time and energy. And that’s okay. I’ve always dreamt of having those two titles. I AM those two things, but the message I took away from church every time is that I am much more than my job and the role I play in my family. I am here to spread His love with others and try my best to live up to the life He has laid out for me. My journey is probably not too different from others, but it’s my story. Every single moment, decision, and setback has brought me here.

From what I’ve heard, I was always a little curly haired blondie. Always singing, dancing, performing for anyone and everyone who would stop to listen. I forced my siblings and all the neighborhood kids to pretend to play school, choreographed them into my made up music videos, and gave them all roles in my plays. I was dramatic. I was stubborn. Nothing has really changed there…

I’m the oldest of three siblings. And I’m pretty sure I possess every single eldest child quality that I’ve read about. I’m also a true Scorpio, through and through. After I read those things online scrolling through pinterest about your sign and birth order, I think to myself “How do they know me?!” It’s all true. So back to thirty years ago…I’m the oldest. I love my sister and brother like no other. My Mom jokes that from the moment my sister was born I was always squeezing her arm saying “I loooooove her!” And it’s true. Having siblings has been the greatest gift my parents could have given me. I loved taking care of them, rooting for them, and having a sense of we can handle anything. We were in it together. We had each other.

We grew up in a mobile home park in Keizer. We lived the heck out of those streets. Those days in that house bring the biggest smile to my face. My days were filled with running around barefoot, making up games to play with our neighborhood friends, lots of family birthday parties, cousin sleepovers, and endless bike riding and roller skating. Those were glorious, glorious days. I went to the same elementary school 1st-5th. I started playing softball in those early years. My Dad was always my coach. Then the years of middle school came…

I freaking loved middle school! I’m one of the weird ones. I didn’t have the typical awkward, “I hate this place!” experience like most kids do when they look back at middle school. I had lots of friends, fell in love with theater and choir, and was a part of leadership. High school was also pretty good to me. I had less friends, and was trying to figure out things that were going on at home, but overall it was pretty good. I did cheerleading, kept at it with theater and choir, and starting thinking about my future.  

I applied to Western Oregon University because I wanted to be a teacher and I heard that was the college teachers go to. So I got accepted and moved into the dorms like all the other true freshman. I didn’t visit the school ahead of time, didn’t know a single person, and had no plan.

Terrible idea.

My first year of college was miserable. Looking back now, I wish I would have gone to Chemeketa. Every single day was a struggle. After a year there, I hadn’t really made any close friendships and was failing my classes. I was lonely. I was losing who I was and losing a grip on why I was there in the first place. It also doesn’t help that I wasn’t in the best relationship at the time either, but…

I remember calling my Dad and telling him that I didn’t want to stay at Western anymore. It was hard. It was hard to admit that I was struggling. So I called up my friend, Mary Swearingen, from high school that I knew was going to Oregon State University and she invited us to come visit her at her dorm. From the moment we stepped on that campus, I knew this was the place I was meant to be. I remember exactly what I wore. I remember the weather. I remember where my Dad and I ate lunch. I remember everything about that day. Is that weird? Maybe. Maybe not. It was definitely a defining day in my life when I look back now, that I know. So I transferred, then started classes that next Fall.

A lot happened from my sophomore year at OSU to finally graduating college with a Bachelor’s Degree in Education. Those five years were the hardest, darkest, yet most defining years of my life thus far.

I started year two at OSU.

Lived in the best dorm with Mary drinking that “chocolate milk”.

Studying countless hours at the MU.

Catching up on The Hills when we could.

Moving out into my first apartment alone.

Getting married a month after turning 21.

Him going off to Iraq for 8 months or so…and me staying behind to keep taking classes.

Pausing my college degree and leaving all my family and friends to move up to Alaska where he was stationed.

Had Logan up there on a military base a little while after.

Abruptly moved back to Oregon two weeks after she was born.

Starting back up classes at OSU when Logan was three months old.

Getting divorced.

Logan and I moved in with my Grandma for a while to help me get back on my feet.

Then moved into my own apartment, just Log and I.

While driving from Keizer to Corvallis every day for a year and a half while my sister watched Log during the day, I finally graduated OSU with my Bachelor’s.

Started working as a preschool teacher in Silverton for three years.

Single parenting.

Went back to school at George Fox University to earn my Teaching License.

Took classes at night for a year and a half, while still teaching preschool during the day, and my Dad and sister took turns watching Logan at night.

Graduated with my Master’s Degree from George Fox, and met Andrew just a month shy before that.

Those five years. Like I said, they almost broke me. The days were so so long. I had to dig deep; way down deep. But I didn’t give up. I wanted to, oh did I want to. There were many times that I broke down and just lost it. But I kept my eyes on what I wanted and kept going. For her. Always, for her.

A life for my daughter that she deserved. I wasn’t going to settle until I got there. I wanted to give her everything I didn’t have and more. I felt so guilty about many things (that’s a whole other post in itself). I wanted to prove to myself that no matter what obstacle God gave me, I could overcome it. I was not a quitter. I was and always have been a ‘go getter’. But here’s the funny thing…I used to think of these challenges and setbacks as things to overcome. “I can do this! I can get through this. I will make it.” Those were mantras that kept playing over and over in my head those five    long years. Like God was giving me a challenge to see how tough I was. In reality, I needed to lean into them and embrace those moments. They defined me. Strengthen my character. Molded me. I am thankful for where I’ve been. The people who raised me. The people who broke me. The people who encouraged me.

Here I am sitting at the dining room table in my house in the West Salem Hills, with my dream job, as Logan and Andrew are out at basketball practice, and my two little boys are laughing as they play with each other. A stark contrast to my life a few years ago. A lot of beautiful blessings and new memories have been shared since those five defining years of my life. I’m glad I kept going. I’m glad I had faith. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be than at this dining room table. It’s an odd thing to actually stop and think about where you’ve come from. This was a tough one to write. I didn’t go too deep into anything, but this is my story. The raw and unfiltered truth. So the next time we are sitting in church and the pastor asks us the question again, “Who are you?” I’m more than a Mom and a teacher.

So Much More.

Thankful for where my journey has led me to be, and excited for where it’s yet to take me…

Love,

Lindsay