The Story of Us.

We met in high school. The story of how we met depends on which one of us you ask. Andrew likes to paint this lovely picture of me. I asked him tonight what he thought of me back then and these were his exact words, “You weren’t nice to me. You were stuck up. I tried making conversations with you, but you never wanted to talk to me. You only gave me short one word remarks. So, I didn’t put very much effort into it because I knew right away you weren’t interested.” So there’s that. I won’t confirm or deny any of that, because I’ve heard most people thought I was a “you know what” in high school. Truth is, I was just nervous and insecure and trying to figure out my place. I was quiet and afraid to talk to anyone who was “popular” and Andrew was always hanging with the popular crowd.

We sat across from each other in French II class in high school. It was our sophomore year at McNary. He had short spiky hair, Abercrombie clothes, and was Mr. Popular. Everyone knew of him because he was good at sports and was always with the “in crowd”. He tried to talk to me, but I wasn’t having it. Mostly because I was too nervous to talk to him or even be in his presence. I was not wearing expensive trendy clothes, did not have a cool hairstyle, didn’t hang with the “in crowd”, and most definitely wasn’t known for being crazy good at sports. I was wearing clothes that my Aunt and Grandma helped me buy, I was friends with the nerdy drama kids, and although I was a varsity cheerleader, I was nowhere near the most popular one. I signed up for French class because I dreamt of someday traveling to Paris and teaching little french kids how to speak English. This class was my ticket to that dream, and this cocky pretty boy was trying to get in the way of that dream. I wasn’t having any of his charm and good looks. I had goals, you know?!

He was cute and charming. That smile, oooooh that smile. I still remember what he looked like sitting across from me to this day. How he would laugh and seemed to be so care free. I was cold hearted and wouldn’t give him the time of day. Eventually, he stopped trying to win me over and we carried on the rest of French class with minimal conversations and doing our assignments. That was the only time I remember talking with him all throughout high school. I have one other memory of him. There was this one football game that I was cheering at, that he got hurt on the varsity field and had to be ambulanced out. In fact, when I first told my Dad that I was going out on a date with a boy named Andrew Goodpaster from high school a few years ago, his first response was “I remember him! Wasn’t he the one who broke his leg in half during a football game?” Ha! So I guess it was pretty memorable? Those are my two memories of him in school. But that’s really it. That’s how our story started. Not too exciting or romantic.

After graduation, we took two very different paths. We did not see or talk to each other after high school, except following each other on social media. Andrew went off to play baseball with a full scholarship for college. He graduated and started working for the state. I went off to Western, failed my classes miserably thanks to two unstable and unhealthy relationships. I then transferred to OSU and got married, moved to Alaska, had Logan, moved back to Oregon, went back to school, graduated from OSU while being a single parent with lots of help, taught preschool and went back to graduate school.

I will admit that my personal journey had a lot more baggage than Andrew had when we met again a second time. I had a three year old. I was a full time graduate student and still teaching preschool. I had a multitude of unhealthy and failed relationships stashed away in my back pocket. I was jaded and skeptical. Andrew had dated and was in some serious relationships as well, but I always felt my past was a bigger burden than his.

At this time in my life, I was finally steady. I was on the track that I had always wanted for myself. Being a teacher was always something that I had dreamed about, but with all the roadblocks life threw at me in previous years, I never really thought I would get there. Well, let’s be honest. I did think I would get there, eventually. I never give up on my dreams, but it was so surreal to finally be in a place in my life that I had been working so hard to get to.

I had arrived. I was happy. I had my girl. We had our own place. I was about to graduate and apply for a school district job. Things were looking up. I had thought about what my future would be like after this season of my life was over. I honestly wasn’t looking for anyone. It was almost a year since I had gone on a date. When asked, I usually told family and friends that I was okay if I was never in a relationship again, and I meant it. It was me and my girl. We were going to be okay.

Enter in Andrew out of left field.

(Side note, this is the part of our story that I hate. But I will be honest about it, as much as it kills me to type these next words…)

On a break during one of our long graduate school classes, my friends and I were talking about this new app Tinder. They were messing around on theirs and we were all laughing at the guys and the pictures they posted with their little captions. My friends asked me if I had one. I had never even heard of this app, so that was a negative. They told me I should sign up, and they were eager to set me up with someone. I was super hesitant, but I went along with the idea. There were a few people in our group who were engaged or seriously dating someone they met on Tinder and they also egged me on to make a profile. So for pure entertainment, we made a profile for me in class. A week went by, and it was still for fun. I met one guy for coffee in Salem and that was a disaster. I almost deleted it right then and there. I remember there were a few nights where my sister and I would flip through profiles just to laugh and pass the time. Pure entertainment gold! One night in particular, I remember swiping through profiles and screenshoting the funny ones to send my sister just for laughs. And then his picture appeared…

It was Andrew. He was so grown up. He still had that charming smile. Big toned tanned muscles. I remember being frozen, starring at my screen. I wasn’t sure what to do. My heart started pumping and my hands got sweaty. Should I swipe left or right? If I swiped left, and surely he hadn’t swipe left for me…he would never know. It would only notify us if we both swiped left on each other. There’s no way he was interested in me. I almost swiped right, just out of pure insecurities. But, after many long seconds, I swiped left. Instantly a notification popped up and told me that I had matched with Andrew and he also swiped left for me. I. Freaked. Out.

I honestly don’t remember the exact conversation of how we started talking, but I know he initiated talking with me. We were texting back and forth for a few days, and he asked if I would like to grab some coffee since it had been a few years since high school when we last saw each other. He wanted to catch up and see how I was doing. I was super skeptical and in my head said no many times and just kept pushing it off. But, after he persisted, I finally said yes to meeting up. What was the harm? I knew I didn’t like him in high school and I was sure he was the same after all these years. There was a weekend coming up that I didn’t have Logan so I was free and decided to meet up for coffee in the late afternoon to just catch up. I let him choose the place. I remember judging him for his choice of where to meet. Who chooses The Beanery?! Doesn’t this guy know there is Starbucks and Starbucks only?! That was strike one. He text me that I should know he got hurt at work the night before and his arm was in a soft cast and wrap. Strike two. I walked in and he was sitting in the way back wearing a blueish type western shirt and fancy Buckle jeans. I know he looked good, but that was just not my style. Strike three. He got up, greeted me with a hug, and paid for my coffee. We sat in the back corner booth across from each other and started catching up.

He told me about how his arm got slammed in a mechanical steel door at work and they thought he broke it. As he told me about his job and what he did after high school, I started to get lost in his words. He was handsome, charming, and not the guy I remember hating in high school. He was funny, charming, and a true gentleman. I was hooked. Our conversation flowed. Those strikes I made in my head earlier about him, slowly disappeared. I was actually enjoying his company. Our coffee cups were empty, and he asked me if I’d like to go for a walk around town together.

He held the door open and we walked around downtown Salem in the sunny spring afternoon. He was winning me over, and I was shocked. We walked and talked for a long while, and our time was wrapping up. The sun was starting to go down and it was too cold to walk around anymore. He walked me to my car, but I didn’t want our time to end. I remember saying “Hey, do you want to go grab some dinner?” Later he told me that he was wanting to ask me to dinner too, but didn’t want to come on too strong. No shame in my game. I had no problem asking him to dinner. I knew I wanted to keep the date going, and wasn’t going to wait for him to ask. I was bold. He said yes, and we got to sneak a few more hours in together at dinner. We said goodbye that evening after way more hours than we originally planned.

We spent the next few days talking to each other on the phone, texting, and making plans to see each other. We went on many dates for the next month before he asked me to officially be his girlfriend. He eventually met Logan, and that was the most important step. I graduated from Grad school and was offered my first teaching job at the middle school I myself went to as a student. Logan was doing well, my family and work life was great, and Andrew and I were so happy. Things were looking up!

And then I got pregnant.

Many people don’t know this part of our story. It’s not something I share openly. It’s not my proudest moment, but then again my life has many moments that I wish hadn’t happened. But you live and you grow stronger, no matter the cards that God deals you. But, I won’t sugar coat it. It was the middle of summer. I missed two days of my pill and it was a one time thing. That one time thing turned into changing the rest of our lives. I remember not feeling too well, but being pregnant wasn’t really on my mind. It only happened once, so nothing to worry about, right?! It never crossed my mind. Until I was late.

I specifically remember crying at the dinner table one night because Andrew got takeout at the Mexican restaurant for us and when he got back to my apartment, we realized they got the order wrong. I bawled and bawled. I was a hormonal mess, moody as all get out. He nicely suggested we take a pregnancy test in my apartment, and it came back negative. A week later, Andrew suggested we take another test. I’m sure I was being irrational and having another emotional meltdown about something else. I remember we sat criss cross on my bed talking with each other as we waited for those few minutes while the test waited face down on my dresser. I was too nervous to look, and Andrew got up to read it. He smiled and turned to tell me. This time, it was positive.

“What do we do?” I asked him. I knew what my answer was, but wanted to hear it from him.

I was feeling so many emotions at one time. I was happy, nervous, anxious, guilty, ashamed…but mostly upset. I was so upset. I did not plan for this to happen. I was just starting my dream career and we weren’t married. I was completely terrified to tell my family and friends. Andrew went right into protection mode. He was making the best of the situation. Never once was he negative about this unexpected news. Always supportive, always looking forward to this new chapter in our lives. He was super reassuring, we told his parents, and he immediately started looking at getting us into a house. We made plans together on what was the best thing to do moving forward. We had talked about spending our lives together before this. We had talks about if we wanted kids in the future before this. But a baby was not in the plans. Not this. Not right now, anyway. I had a really hard time accepting this was real.

In the next few months, we found a house in Keizer that Fall, I started teaching, and we started our journey that led us to where we are now. In that house we got engaged, had Hunter and brought him home, we got married, and had so many good memories in between those big life moments. Our days were filled with little kid giggles, family traditions that we were starting, and trying to turn our house into a home. I had everything I could have dreamed of.

But, I was super resentful. I was mad at Andrew. I was dealing with changing hormones and trying to overcome a negative post baby body image. I wasn’t happy with myself. Andrew worked nights, and we really only saw each other on the weekends. Our marriage was starting to strain. Our house kept having issues and needed big repairs. Andrew and I would get into stupid little fights that really weren’t worth our energy, but I never backed down and always stood my ground. We kept trying to have conversations about how to make our marriage better, but never really acted on anything that stuck.

We hit a low point and decided to go to couples counseling.

I was so angry and resentful towards him, even if he didn’t have anything to do with what was making me unhappy. I didn’t feel appreciated, I felt overworked, and took everything out on him to make it all “fair”. I unhealthily picked fights with him to get attention and a reaction out of him. Andrew is pretty even tempered, and in stark contrast, I always show my emotions. It made me mad that he was always just okay with everything, and I was the only one who seemed to lose it every now and then. We were not in a good place. We were not in a happy marriage, but we didn’t know what else to do. I prayed. I talked with friends. Our counseling sessions were done. It was a time of loving through the motions and trying to survive being parents to a new baby and blending a family.

Now, I want to be clear that not every day felt like this. But it was always there in the background.

“We could be happier.”

“We could be better.”

“If only we _________.”

I was always looking to work on or fix something in our marriage. Sure, we had many many many beautiful happy days as a family. We had many good date nights. We hung out with friends and family. But, I was restless. I’m being honest and open about how our marriage is not a fairytale. We are not perfect. I’ve felt unhappy. We’ve had to work through some really straining times in our marriage.

In fact, we spent some time apart about two years ago to reflect on what we really wanted in life together. It wasn’t a full on separation, but it was four days or so apart. It stemmed from a fight during Andrew’s surprise birthday party. It was a gut wrenching, soul searching, few days alone. I honestly didn’t think we would make it. I was sure this was it. I would not talk to him. Did not want to see him. This was the beginning of the end, I was sure of it.

But, we came together and worked through it. We sat at the dining table for hours talking and being honest with each other. We made concrete plans for ourselves and as a couple. We made clear boundaries. We laid out our expectations and dreams. We both said things we didn’t want to, but needed the other person to hear. That conversation at the table will forever be a turning point in our marriage. Who would have thought something so terrible could turn into something so beautiful. Nine months later, Everett was born 🙂

It took some letting go of walls. It tooks some being honest with ourselves and each other. It took some deep prayer. It took major compromise, on my part. But we made it through. We always will. We choose each other, no matter what. Of course we have our non-negotiables in our marriage, things we won’t tolerate. But, we will not give up in the trenches. Our family is worth fighting for. I can say that now. Even though both Hunter and Everett were not planned, we can’t imagine our family without them. They bring so much happiness and purpose in our lives. They brought us together, both times. There was a reason for everything, even if I couldn’t see it at the time.

Are we perfect, no. Have we learned, yes. Are we still growing, always.

We have grown closer together this last year. We know when our flow is off and we check in with each other when it happens. He knows when I need to laugh and when I need some space. I can’t change him. I can only work on myself and work on each other together. We have been together for just over four years now. Two babies, two houses, and many many lessons learned and shared memories. We’ve been through some really low lows, and some really high highs. But most of our days are somewhere in the middle. We are living these everyday moments together as a family. I’m so thankful that we chose each other, and gave each other a second chance. I’m even more thankful that we continue to choose each other.

From fifteen years ago, to now…

It’s really amazing when you think on how much has changed since our first time meeting in high school. How much we have grown and changed even since being together these last few years. Who would have thought? I sure didn’t!

Most people know our story, but they may not know our whole story. I like to think that we are like most couples. Trying to figure it out in the midst of our busy schedules, parenting life, and just lack of time for ourselves. We are far from perfect. We try, but fall short many times. We’ve lived through a few different seasons already in our short few years together. But, this is a deeper look into the story of us. Thank you to all of you who were there for us over these last few years, those who gave us advice, and those who are still rooting for us. Your encouragement is everything. Thanks for letting us be real, flawed, and still being part of our tribe!